I Should Tell You
by Shadow Haloed Angel
Summary: songfic based on a song from RENT, very tentative Ru/Vin. These two damaged souls make some important admissions, and finally agree, however tenuously, to walk the road of life together


AN: this is the first songfic I've written in a while, and I remembered how I hate the way they always end up being longer than you anticipate. it combines two of my favourite fandoms, and I'm proud to have written it, I know of one other person who has written a fic like this, which was RenoYaz and based on another song from the best Musical ever (well, one of the best).

Dedicated: aeriths-rain

Disclaimers: FF7 (c) Squeenix, RENT (c) Jonathan Larson

Vincent closed his eyes as he felt the others fingers ghost across his skin. He was so uncertain about this, teetering on the precipice. He wanted so much to trust the other, but he was a monster, had been for thirty years. He couldn't explain to Rufus what had happened to him, couldn't find the words to begin to explain what hell was like.

_I Should Tell You I'm Disaster_

_I Forget How To Begin It_

Rufus could barely remember to breathe. This was the biggest leap of trust he had taken in a long time. With everything his father had done, he wasn't sure he could truly do this, wasn't sure that he wouldn't freeze. All he knew was he had to try. His breath came unevenly as he fought to find something to say, some way of beginning to explain the dirty little secrets of his past to this perfect man.

_Let's Just Make This Part Go Faster_

_I Have Yet To Be In It_

_I Should Tell You_

They spoke together

"I Should Tell You..."

"I Should Tell You..."

They both smiled nervously and tried again

"I Should Tell You..."

Rufus closed his eyes and bowed his head slightly, taking a deep breath "I should tell you about why I'm so afraid to be touched... about the curses and nightmares of my childhood... about the reasons I continued working with AVALANCHE...and put more money in after the first time I ever set eyes on you... just because I wanted to meet you, and I didn't want you to get hurt..."

_I Should Tell I Blew The Candle Out_

_Just To Get Back In_

Vincent closed his eyes, his own words spilling, whispered and low from his pale lips. "You could have stopped funding us after the first time I set eyes on you, and I still would have fought for you. That day when I saw the sun glinting off your hair for the first time was the first day I began to forgive myself, the first time I had a reason to smile, even bitterly, for over thirty years..."

_I'd Forgotten How to Smile_

_Until Your Candle Burned My Skin_

The ritual phrases spilled from their lips again, as they finally built up the courage to meet eyes for one brief moment, before both breaking and looking down again, hands clasped tight together between them.

"I Should Tell You..."

"I Should Tell You..."

It was again Rufus who continued first "I Should Tell You that since the first time we spoke... I... I have been in love with you..."

Vincent gasped, almost starting back in fear. It had been what he was going to say, but he could cope better with rejection in some ways than he could with the potential danger of mutual love, and then later rejection when the other found out about the truth about what had been done to him. Rufus' eyes stared up into his, bleak, vulnerable, sure he had said something wrong. Vincent stepped forward and cupped the other's cheek, bending to brush his ghostly lips over the other's pale pink ones, all the secrets still left unspoken.

_I Should Tell..._

Vincent broke the kiss, resting his forehead agains't Rufus', hand cradling te base of his skull, holding him close, raven hair falling around them, trapping them in their own twilight world of shadows. his breath ghosted over Rufus' skin, and both knew they had just taken the first step together, falling off the precipice, neither sure of what would happen when they landed of what their next step could or should be.

_Well, Here We Go_

_Now We--_

Rufus was the first to speak, whispering "Oh No..." Vincent flinched, moving back immmediately, trying desperately to excuse himself, to explain, he babbled, searching for an explanation.

"I Know--This Something Is...Here Goes..."

Rufus quirked an eyebrow, he had never heard the raven use a phrase like that before. He'd obviously spent more time in the slums, and with a certain red-headed Turk than he had expected."Here Goes?"

Vincent blushed and tried to explain "I'm sorry... I don't know... I thought... we were... I felt... we were starting to go somewhere...together..."

_Guess So_

_It's Starting To_

_-Who Knows-_

Rufus smiled, eyebrow still quirked and shrugged slightly "Who Knows..." he replied.

Vincent smiled weakly "So... I never learned where relationships go... and never had the chance to find out... perhaps... who knows? We might go together?"

_Who Knows Where_

_Who Goes There_

_Who Knows_

_Here Goes_

They both took a deep breath. Neither of them really had any experience with relationships, and all they knew they could really count on was their desire for each other. They could start walking this path together, learn what there was to learn, get closer. They could face the challenges of life together, overcome any obstacle, any threat. They could cling to and rely on each other, each of their two damaged souls learning to trust, even when they aged... or when Vincent faced the pain of watching his lover age. he would never leave him and would do all he could to make the other comfortable in the twilight of his years, no matter what happened.

_Trusting Desire - Starting To Learn_

_Walking Through Fire Without A Burn_

_Clinging - A Shoulder, A Leap Begins_

_Stinging And Older, Asleep On Pins_

Rufus smiled shyly up into Vincent's eyes and squeezed his hand, whispering "So... Here We Go..."

Vincent nodded, and swallowed, speaking softly once more "Now We..." he blushed and gulped, closing his eyes, whispering "Oh No..."

Rufus gulped and nodded, his own eyes closed, his own nerves showing for a moment "I Know..."

Vincent's eyes opened, abject terror shining from them as his rbeathing quickened, convinced momentarily that the other knew his deepest shame "Oh No..." but Rufus stared into his eyes, sapphires meeting rubies, both shining with diamonds of unshed tears, squeezing his hands. He nodded once, weakly and breathed an "I love you..." over Vincent's lips.

Neither could anticipate the journey ahead, the way their lives might change, who they might meet, but each knew that they were prepared to take, both these first tentative steps, and any further steps necessary, together.

_Who Knows Where - Who Goes There_

_Here Goes - Here Goes_

_Here Goes - Here Goes_

_Here Goes - Here Goes_


End file.
